As a daughter it was an honor to help care for my Mom when she got sick however it did not come without other feelings of exhaustion and helplessness.
Have realistic expectations and goals
Often after an event such as a stroke, a heart attack, a car accident or any number of other emergencies, you will have a new normal to adjust to. We will need to understand that with elderly parents they may have limited recovery as life and disease state progresses.
Loved ones should understand that there comes a time where goals of therapy will change. For example the average adult with Diabetes has an A1c goal of less than 7. Our elderly have an A1c goal of less than 8. Which means that the blood sugar goals are not as tight. The goals are not as tight because the benefit for the tight control does not outweigh the risk. The benefits of tight glucose control decreases long term complications however in the short term there is a higher risk of lows. The risk of lows can put our elderly at more risk for falls and other complications.
It is always important to weigh the benefit versus the risk. Goals of therapy and care as we get older change. The long term benefit of some of these medications become less important. Often as the elderly get older and disease states progress then it becomes more about improving day to day quality of life rather than the long term benefits. Often medications are stopped and discontinued. In healthcare we refer to this as "deprescribing" and this helps to reduce a patient's pill burden.
Be Organized
Organization became vital for my family. I lived the closest to my Mom and was often the first to respond when things would come up. I also had several siblings that wanted to know what they could do to both help with my mom and to give me a break. I had to have everything organized. Having medication schedules, notes, and other resources was important so that anyone of my siblings could pick up where I had left off and know what was going on.
Utilize resources
There are many community resources to help. The senior center has activities. There are organizations that help provide food options such as Meals on Wheels. Many communities have programs available to help give rides to and from appointments. There are organizations to give relief and provide respite services.
Join Support Groups
It helps to talk things out with others and learn from other's experiences. When my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's and later to have dementia as well as a delirium set in, it was helpful to talk to others who had already experienced caring for their loved ones. It also helped reading books that shed some light on what my Mother was experiencing from her perspective. For example I read 'Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist' by Michael J. Fox.
Take time for one's self
It is easy to feel exhausted and get discouraged. It is hard when you are watching a loved one decline before your eyes. To watch as the decline and feel the helplessness that there is nothing you can do to prevent the progression is discouraging. The heavy feeling of helplessness seeps in and can become an overpowering feeling. It is important for your own mental health to take a step away from time to time and care for yourself. Take some "me" time. Taking time to regularly exercise also helps direct and give energy a positive outlet. Writing down ones thoughts and keeping a journal can also be extremely therapeutic.
Focus on the positivity and joys of your interactions
As times get hard it is important to celebrate the little wins. Focus on the good times that you have with your loved ones because unfortunately time is not something we have on our side. Time is limited and before we know it our time with them on this earth is over.
Allow people to help
It is sometimes hard to walk away because you know your loved one may get nervous or concerned when you are away. It is also hard because you know your time with them is limited so you want to be there to not miss out on any of the time however it is good to step away to let others help.
**Please take note, my views are my own and are not associated or representative of my employer(s). This website and its associated platforms are for education purposes only and not medical advice. (If one wants to establish a relationship in which individual circumstances can be evaluated please send a message)
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