I have the unique perspective of having children both with and without a career. I had a 2 children when I decided to go back to school, my 3rd child came during my 3rd year of Pharmacy School and my 4th was after I became a Pharmacist. I can honestly say that at each stage in my role as a Mom brought different challenges. They each had various aspects of the dreaded Mommy Guilt.
We as women need to be better
As women we need to support one another rather than make constant comparisons and judgements. Quit comparing and judging one for staying at home versus working. We as mom's already carry enough of the guilt without having the added judgements of others. We are our own worst critics. Instead let's be a cheerleader and support each another. I have learned so much from other women in my life and have implemented some of their methods in my own family.
Surround yourself with women that are a support to each other and shed those that do not. Having a network of friends, coworkers and family is helpful to bounce ideas off of or get advice from.
You will have hard days. The key is finding the joy and getting through the hard days
Everyone has hard days and if they say they didn't, they are lying. I am no different. I had hard days. I did. I remember being a first time Mom, having some long hard days. The days could be long and the nights short. There were times when I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I remember people would tell me 'enjoy it because they grow up quick' and I remember feeling like "what are you talking about, this day is lasting forever" . On some of those especially hard days, I remember going into my oldest's room after he had fallen asleep and I would just watch him sleep. When I watched this peaceful little sleeping boy, I would fall in love with him over and over again.
Enjoy the little things and the small moments
It is easy to get caught up in the I need to clean this or that. Sometimes it is okay to ignore the toys being out or the floor that needs to vacuumed. Sometimes it is okay to enjoy the moment and spend time. Soak it up. You can find the time later to tidy things up.
Stay connected to them
This will vary with everyone. Each family and situation is unique. Some of the things that worked for me...
when youngest two were babies and I was juggling school and work, I made it a point to hold my babies right before I left the house and it was the first thing I did when I came home. This small thing helped me feel a little more connected.
my husband would bring the kids to visit me at work
as my children became older the ability for them to text me became a way for me to stay connected to them. They would tell me how their day went or tell me what they had planned for after school
Enjoy the various stages
I often hear people say my favorite age is this or that. I can honestly say that I do not have a favorite age or stage. I have enjoyed each stage my kids have had. When they were young, I enjoyed their innocence and seeing them learn new things. When they became older I enjoyed their friendships and helping them to explore and plan for their future. I enjoyed watching them find joy. Each stage is just different but rewarding in its own way.
Love what they love
Be their biggest fan. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day things and to-do lists. Do your best to be a part of their activities. This does not mean micromanaging their activities either. They need to own their activities and be the one in control. What I mean by being a part of the activities is simply by being there. Be there to celebrate their successes or console them in their failures. They just need to know you are there regardless of outcome. Getting involved by doing support roles. I have done everything from hosting pasta parties for the High School Cross Country team, to chaperoning and managing club sports team finances. (I've included a link to the digital template for My Team Mom/Dad Binder that I have used for organization needs for helping my children's soccer team)
Maintain a work/life balance
As a working Mom you are pulled in so many different directions. For me it required having a working situation that allowed me to maintain that balance. Sadly there are some work situations that have unhealthy working expectations and time commitments. I have had to walk away from situations that did not nurture my work/life balance. At the end of the day I am replaceable at work. I am not replaceable as a Mom and this is something that I do not take lightly.
Give them your time
Make them a priority. You can often see where ones priorities lie by how they spend their time. Try to spend individual time with each of your children. There are some things in life that have a limited supply. The ones that often come to mind is time and money. To me however time is something that is even more valuable than money. There are only so many hours in the day only and only so much time. Giving of ones times shows them you have made them a priority.
Trust your Mommy instincts
Listen to your inner Mommy voice and trust your instincts. A Mother's intuition is a real thing. Trust your gut. It is okay to say no. It is okay to sometime have an opinion that is not popular with your children. You however have a perspective that they don't have. Trust yourself.
Look past the chaos
Again I cannot stress enough to enjoy the moment. They really do grow up so fast. Life can often feel like things swirling around you and all you can do is control the madness. Stop and enjoy the moment.
Don't give the Mommy Guilt a voice
It is healthy to always strive to be a better Mom and look for ways help your children however what is not healthy is letting the guilt have a voice or control the way you look at yourself. Don't let the voice take over and not let you see the good that you are doing as a Mom. At the end of the day your children know you love them and know you are doing your best. As they grow older they will appreciate what you do more and more.
**Please take note, my views are my own and are not associated or representative of my employer(s). This website and its associated platforms are for education purposes only and not medical advice.
Commentaires